I never much believed in the Zodiac, horoscopes, or star signs. I always kind of felt that anyone who really believed that their horoscope would guide them through life must be really egocentric, gullible, unimaginative, or a combination of all three, which isn’t the kindest outlook, I know. Whenever star signs are brought up in conversation, I’ve always been eager to roll my eyes, get up on my high horse, and internally refute whatever it is the other person is saying. This is true only except for the times when I meet a fellow Scorpio. Then all of a sudden I’m like Star Sign Sally, totally buying into all of the hype because I have found one of my own (what was that about egocentrism? Oh, yeah). Of all the signs, it’s widely known that Scorpios are one of the most maligned, so any kinship I feel is certainly the product of mutual discrimination.
All this being said, I don’t necessarily identify with all the tenets of Scorpiodom, but I often feel pressure to identify more than I actually do. The most difficult trait to feel alienated by is perhaps a Scorpio’s most (in)famous trait: Sexual “intensity.” In almost every lineup on the Internet that asks “which sign was the best in bed?” people cite their experiences with Scorpios. We’re famous for our sexuality, which I find ironic because I’ve always been extremely self-conscious about my sexual prowess. We’re described as having this raw sexual magnetism that I have never seen in myself; this intimidating energy that is not recognizable in my sex life. I would say I have a tendency to be intimidating in other areas of my life, but between the sheets, I’ve always erred more on the shy side. That’s certainly changing with age and experience, but I still wouldn’t say I’m this animal in bed the way interpreters of my sign make me out to be.
After feeling bad about this for a while—wondering why I’m not sexier, why I’m not more exciting in bed the way I’m “supposed” to be, essentially viewing my sexuality as a shortcoming—I realized that there’s no use in trying to be something I’m not, even if a particular personality trait is supposedly written into the stars. Being wild and unpredictable in bed isn’t the only tenet of sexiness. Being patient, giving, curious, playful, relaxed, and receptive makes for a whole different kind of sexy. That’s the kind of sexy you can fall in love with, not just the kind of sexy you’d expect to see in some dark corner of the Internet (not that there’s anything wrong with that as long as it’s consensual!). While star signs can be fun to explore, people shouldn’t feel limited by their associated traits. Maybe you’re an Aquarius who actually loves to cuddle, or a Cancer who just got out of a long relationship and only has room for emotionless, no-strings-attached bangin’. Whatever your deal, you are so much more than what your sign says you should be like in bed. Sex is a highly personal and intimate activity (duh) and nobody can decide how you’re going to have it except for you. So go on! Get down with your bad self!
Curious about your sign? Check out this list from Cosmo.
Written by Emma Glassman-Hughes