A couple weeks ago I was on my way home when I got a call from a close friend. She launched right in: “So, I forgot to take my birth control this weekend and we had sex a couple times. Do you think I could be pregnant!??!” Even when you’re ovulating, you only have about a 30% chance of getting pregnant, so I told her she was probably OK.
This got me thinking though: Why is it that women are more comfortable talking to our friends about sex when things are going wrong and not when things are going right? I wish she had been calling me to tell me she had six orgasms last night, not as she was trying to figure out where the pregnancy tests were at CVS. Think about it, when it comes to pregnancy scares, we call up our friends faster than we can double tap a photo on Instagram, but when it comes to good, fulfilling, mind blowing sex, we’re a lot less likely to send a ‘I had the best sex of my life’ text the next morning.
Of course this isn’t always the case. I do have friends who tell me about the great sex they’re having, but unfortunately I’ve noticed that’s the exception not the rule.
Also, let’s be clear, I’m not saying we should Snapchat our post coital glow, we can all have our own boundaries (to all my friends out there: leave the post sex snaps at the door!), but I do think it’s important to talk about good sex. Think about all of the benefits of having these conversations. When we have them, it helps us all have a more well rounded understanding of and relationship with sex.
Here are 4 reasons we should talk about sex (baby!) with our friends:
*You’ll realize we all share similar experiences.
So many women have the same handful of questions when it comes to sex: Do I really have to pee right after? Is it common to not like certain positions? Just ask, and you’ll see we’re all so often in the same boat!
*You can learn a thing or two.
So many of my friends have admitted to not even thinking about if and why they should use lube until I started making it. Many have since told me using lube has totally changed their sex lives for the better. This makes me really happy.
*It can strengthen your relationship.
Sex is a totally natural part of life. Remember, most of us used to talk about every last detail with our besties when we were first becoming sexual. We shouldn’t let society’s stigma around sex prevent us from sharing important experiences with close friends.
*It can help de-stigmatize the conversation.
A lot of women admit that they don’t talk about the positive side of sex because, well, they don’t want to be perceived in a certain way. The more we’re open and honest about sex, even beyond our closest friends, the sooner we can change that! If you want to keep sharing about the bad stuff, please do. Worried you have an STD or something else went wrong? Speak up. But if you run into an unexpectedly endowed and gifted partner, share that, too!
So, what are you waiting for? Let’s talk about sex!