Looking for the best sex kinks or want to know more about sexual fetishes? There are literally hundreds to sort through online and many of these favor activities or things the vast majority of us wouldn’t even consider to be erotic, but what happens if something a little out of the ordinary really turns you on?   

It’s hard to know whether the activities or things you fancy are “normal” or not, especially with societal pressure to hide our “dirty” secrets. Yet all kinds of “unconventional” and kinky erotic play are becoming less covert, so rest assured there’s nothing wrong with being “socially inappropriate” so long as you’re having consensual sex, and not doing anything illegal or too dangerous.

What Is a Fetish?

A sexual fetish is an erotic fixation on an inanimate object or non-genital body part, such as the curve of a calf muscle or a statue. It’s this object of interest that’s actually called the “fetish”. Lesser-known fetishes are called “paraphilias”, which derives from the Greek words “para”, meaning “other”, and “philia” which loosely translates as “loving”.

You could therefore say that a fetish is simply another way to express and enjoy love—since they have more to do with intimacy and trust than perversion or deviancy. The more “unusual” sexual quirks aren’t necessarily new, it’s just that online communities have allowed like minded individuals to connect and celebrate their shared sexual (and legal) desires.

What Is Kink?

Kink is the term used to describe all sexual activities that fall outside of what is traditionally deemed to be “acceptable” when it comes to sex. This could be anything from having your butt paddled to smelling your partner’s sweat.

While kink is becoming mainstream, much of it is still rooted in sub-cultures, and often falls into four categories referred to as BDSM. This is an umbrella term used to describe the following types of erotic power play: bondage, discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism. Most kinks fall into one of these categories or contain elements of more than one.

Know Your Limits Before You Start

Consent is paramount to all erotic play, and it’s good to know your limits. A hard limit is something you’re absolutely certain is off-limits. A soft limit is something you’re curious about but don’t yet know if it’s a turn-on for you. Don’t be surprised if your soft limit changes the more you explore, so stay open—and choose a safe word that clearly signals “stop” or “no”. Now you’re ready to start…

1) With Yourself  

If you find looking at yourself or masturbating in front of the mirror super hot, you’re not alone—it’s exciting to see your body looking sexy while engaged in erotic activities. More than anything, getting a good look at your naked reflection while self-pleasuring can give you a massive upsurge in self-confidence. This is officially known as katoptronophilia, yet it’s fairly common to get turned on by watching yourself or your partner during foreplay or intercourse.

2) With Your Eyes

Watching other people can be just as hot as watching your own writhing body. Commonly known as voyeurism, it’s not as creepy as it sounds so long as it’s consensual. Watching without consent is illegal so if you’re a voyeur, or want to be, get clear permission before you settle down for the show. Exceptions to the rule are play parties where you’re supposed to watch. Voyeurs are well matched with exhibitionists who enjoy having sex or masturbating in front of others.

3) With Your Mouth

Gagging is one to try if you’re keen on bondage. Ball gags are widely available and worn by the submissive party. This prevents them from talking, but doesn’t stop their screaming or moaning. It also stops them from closing their mouth, and can contribute to a feeling of helplessness, which can be a massive turn-on. Alternatively, cock gagging is an extreme act of fellatio where the penis is thrust deep into someone’s mouth and throat—so deep that they gag or even vomit. This may seem a little extreme for bondage newbies, so proceed with caution.  

4) With Your Hands

Impact play involves hitting or slapping the body with hands, whips, paddles, and more. Consent and safe words are of utmost importance with this one. Start slowly with the fleshier areas of the body, such as the butt or thighs, and steer clear of major organs. If you like the sensations of spanking, experiment with items you have lying around your home, such as spatulas or kitchen towels. Impact play goes well with gagging if you’re really getting into it.

5) With Your Skin   

Wax play is for those who like the sensation of heat, but make sure you buy low temperature (or safety) candles available from pharmacies and hardware stores. Before you begin, clear your play area of anything highly flammable and prep the skin by shaving and applying a thin layer of baby or coconut oil. Hot wax can be poured onto any part of the body, but start with a small section of skin that’s not too sensitive. Hold the candle parallel about a foot above your partner’s body so the flame doesn’t get too close. If the wax is too hot, simply rub your hand along the area it’s dribbled on and it will cool off quickly.   

6) With Your Feet

Podophilia or foot fetishism may not sound the least bit kinky, but don’t knock it until you’ve tried a little foot play. Feet are in fact the most fetishized body part so it’s likely you’ll run into someone with this fetish at some point. What’s more, you don’t have to be especially turned on by feet to enjoy having yours touched, tickled, kissed, and massaged. Toe sucking might not be on the menu, but a “foot-job” could be, which involves pleasuring the genitals with your feet. Introduce some oil or lube to ease matters, and if you don’t get off on it, at least you’ll laugh about it (a lot), which is the most important thing about sex play anyway. Enjoy!


written by Jo Murphy

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